You know what’s strange? I keep hearing about people who’ve maintained their elementary school friendships well into their golden years. As a Gen X’er, I wonder if we’re built different.
I did have one person cross my mind, someone who disappeared from my life in 2009… has it been 16 years already?! Yikes! I resist the urge to look up old flames and forgotten friends on social media. But recently, curiosity got the better of me, and I searched for someone specific. They’d vanished completely – off every platform, every digital footprint erased. I do see their number, but I would never call it.
What’s fascinating is that these people who’ve gone MIA had it all – resources, looks, talent. Some were living their “best lives” by all outward measures. Yet, gone. A younger person may read this and think, “Well, you are getting old, those are the breaks.” But I know people from older generations and that’s not always how it works. Many have relationships that span multiple decades.
And sadly, some of these people are truly gone. They died young. So, not everything negative can be blamed on the passage of time. Something is different. These people were not shy, they were not obscure, they were strivers. Strivers don’t just vanish, do they?
I remember ducking out of a downtown bar years ago when I spotted my first love. I didn’t want that conversation. Not because of anger or regret, but because sometimes the past should stay there. We’re all chapters in each other’s stories, but not every book needs an epilogue.
Here’s what I’ve learned: People create versions of you in their minds, and they often struggle when reality doesn’t match their memory or expectations. Sometimes merely being here is an accomplishment, sometimes people vanish and are never seen again. Sometimes peace of mind means choosing which doors to keep closed.
Maybe the best thing is to not reconnect. But survive, at least well enough to let go of what might have been. It would be nice to cross paths, to know they are well, and to see them happy. That’s where my curiosity begins and ends.
Where my curiosity doesn’t fade is with my own life. As boring as it is, I know that if nothing else, I will do my damndest to stick around with my boring, uneventful life that has been labeled everything from the product of a ne’er-do-well and loser to an exercise in greed and selfishness. It is the curse of the ignorant to condemn what they do not understand. To condemn those they either can’t or won’t make the effort to understand.
We each, as time passes either take responsibility for our own choices or we blame others. Best to not blame others, and to exercise caution when judging.
But I know this: sometimes being present and boring, uneventful, even being coined a “loser” isn’t always bad. To not change one’s values every six months, but to remain steady, reliable… present over the course of decades isn’t a bad thing at all. To not change based on my needs, wants and desires, is of value to those who know the value of things. – Edmund J. Janas, II, Brego
